Most people understand the basics of grief. None of us will escape it. We’ll all lose something or someone we care about at some point, and being able to work through those losses is important for our overall mental well-being. 

But, you might not be as familiar with anticipatory grief. 

Anticipatory grief is just what it sounds like — grief that occurs when a loss is about to happen but hasn’t actually happened yet. 

The feelings of anticipatory grief can be just as strong and overwhelming, and they can cause you to miss out on things and feel angry, ashamed, or even guilty before a loss even happens. 

Let’s take a closer look at anticipatory grief, some common signs, and what you can do to cope with it. 

When Does Anticipatory Grief Occur? 

Sometimes, losses happen in our lives that catch us off guard. A loved one getting in an accident, losing a job, a natural disaster, or unexpected trauma can all cause grief after they occur. 

However, sometimes, it can feel like you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe someone you love has a terminal illness. Maybe you know you’re on the brink of divorce but nothing has been filed yet. Perhaps your dog is on the decline and you know it’s just a matter of weeks before you’ll have to put them down. 

When you know a loss is coming, it can cause anticipatory grief. While you’re not yet mourning the loss of something or someone, you’re really grieving the loss of a future and the possibilities that come with it. 

Signs of Anticipatory Grief

The signs and symptoms of anticipatory grief are very similar to any other type of grief. Things like numbness, disbelief, or extreme sadness can occur. You might also be angry with yourself or with your loved one(s), and develop anxiety and fear. It can also lead to physical symptoms like trouble sleeping, changes in eating habits, or even feelings of sickness. 

Unfortunately, there are additional complications to anticipatory grief. You might be so distraught about losing someone that you don’t give yourself permission to enjoy your last moments with them. Or, you might be so riddled with guilt that you can’t focus on the present and the things that need to be done. 

How to Manage

Anticipatory grief can be managed in many of the same ways as “traditional” grief. Keep in mind that there is no perfect timeline when it comes to grieving the loss of something or someone you love. Anticipatory grief can be perfectly normal and understandable as long as you don’t ignore your feelings or try to dismiss them as something else. 

There’s a reason why grief has stages. As you work through them in healthy, effective ways, you’ll eventually be able to move forward with your life. 

When it comes to anticipatory grief, the best way to start working through those stages is to open up to someone. Share how you’re feeling. You might be surprised to find that others in your inner circle are struggling with the same things. 

Additionally, try to work through your feelings by journaling to notice what you are thinking and how you feel about what is happening and then by beginning to decide what small steps you want to take in your behavior in response to the grief. Praying and getting real with how you feel to God is helpful. These are all also forms of self-care. They can help to maintain your mental and physical well-being through the grieving process. 

Most importantly, don’t be afraid to reach out for professional help. If anticipatory grief becomes overwhelming, you don’t have to deal with it on your own. Grief counseling can help you work through and cope with your loss, even before it’s happens. Grief, of any kind, isn’t something to keep to yourself.  Let’s talk. Tell me story, big or small, clear or scattered…I am ready.