It is a great paradox of life that our excitement for something is directly proportional to the amount of stress it causes us. Having children, starting a new job, or buying a new house are prime examples, but so, famously, is getting married. Wedding planning famously brings out the beast in brides and gives cold feet to grooms. Many things need taking care of—guest lists, travel plans, seating arrangements, and dinner menus.

In the run-up to tying the knot, there are a thousand opportunities for friction—for many, anxiety is part and parcel. It feels important, and important things bring pressure.

If you’re struggling with anxiety in the run-up to your wedding, here are three helpful tips to help take the pressure off:

Make Time to Play

First, and most importantly, remember to have fun. You’re getting married. Whether it’s taking a time out to spend a fun day with your best friends or your groom-or-bride-to-be, find time to enjoy yourself. Your first instinct might be to think that this is the role of the bachelor or bachelorette party—and you might be right—but those are also events that feel big.

In this case, ‘make time to play’ means carving out time for hobbies and routines you love. It’s easy to sideline friendships and other activities in the run-up to your wedding. Try to make sure you have regularly scheduled playtime with people who help you relax. Get out on the tennis court, keep going to book club, or head out for a night of low-pressure karaoke or dancing. It doesn’t matter what you do, what matters is that you indulge your inner child who is going to be crankier than usual with all of the detailed planning and stressing out you’re doing.

Expect (and enjoy!) the Unexpected

Expectations are often the source of our worries, and the best way to short-circuit them is to expect that things are going to go wrong. Accept that there’s only so much you can control. Every wedding comes with the quirks and odd-duck anecdotes that make it unique—there’s a good chance yours will too. It’s almost always something you’ll be able to laugh at in a few years, so why not get started early?

Weddings are meant to be a celebration—the most important thing you can do is show up, have fun, and leave with the person you love.

Create a Safe Space & Express Yourself

Sometimes our worries are bigger than centerpieces, DJs, and guest lists. If you’re stressed out and overwhelmed, it’s important to take time to express your thoughts. Think about the people in your life. Is there someone you trust? Are they a calming influence in your life? Consider spending some time with them—make it clear that you’re not looking for them to fix your problems. You’re just looking for someone to listen to you and acknowledge your feelings. It might be helpful to start a journal instead. Getting your thoughts out on paper can be a helpful way to help collect yourself and name your fears.

Think about the following questions:

• What is it that’s causing you anxiety?

• Are there people who can take on responsibilities?

• How are you taking care of yourself?

In the end, weddings are about community. This is a good time to focus on the community around you. Leverage it to help you through this time.

Counseling

Sometimes it takes the help of a skilled professional to work through the sources of your anxiety. Marriage can dredge up old traumas and worries about freedom or loss of identity. These fears are natural. If you’re getting married and having trouble managing your anxiety, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist who can provide an objective, non-judgmental space for you to explore your fears. As always, I’m here to help—please feel free to reach out for premarital counseling.