No matter what your background or what holidays you celebrate, they occupy a special place in the lives of people who have experienced emotional trauma. In a very strange way, holidays are a thread that runs through our lives. They connect our childhood memories to our experiences as adults, and have a unique way of bringing the past back into focus. For many people, this makes them a source of celebration—but for others, it has a way of reopening old wounds, and exposing us to dangerous habits, patterns, and thoughts.

Especially if you experienced emotional trauma as the result of childhood abuse, neglect, or bullying, the holidays are likely to be exceptionally difficult.

Self-Care

In the run-up to the holiday season, it’s easy to get caught up buying presents and making travel plans. If you’re someone who has struggled with the fallout of emotional trauma in the past, even if you feel like it’s something you’ve dealt with, it’s important for you to take time out for yourself to plan ahead, set boundaries, and consider how the holidays may impact you.

Holiday Triggers

Whether you’re traveling to see family for the holidays or staying at home, it’s important to hit the pause button before you make too many plans and consider how they’ll impact you. Holidays are a deviation from the norm, so you’re likely to see friends and family members you haven’t seen in a long time—which means you’re also going to be spending more time than usual thinking about the past.

Heading into the holidays, consider the following:

Where will I be?
Who will I see?
What will we be doing?
Is this a healthy environment for me?

Give yourself the space to make sure that you’re making your holiday plans for yourself, not to appease someone else. Don’t sacrifice your own mental health to please someone who won’t value it.

As much as the holidays are about crafting an experience you want, also try to be mindful of the experiences you’re trying to avoid.

Disrupted Routines

Holidays are disruptive to our routines. That’s one of the reasons why our childhood memories of holidays tend to be so strong—they stand out against the background noise of school, work, and the daily grind. The downside to this is that holidays are also one of the times where we’re likely to fall back into old habits or make poor decisions—whether that’s linking up with old friends to go drinking, over-eating at a family dinner, or encountering people we may otherwise avoid.

If you’re struggling with grief, guilt, shame, or unresolved childhood trauma, the holidays are likely to bring those feelings back to the surface. Be ready. Have plans in place for where you’ll stay, when you’ll leave, and who you’ll be around.

Plan ahead on how to maintain good habits you’ve worked hard to develop over the course of the year, so the holidays don’t see you fall back on old patterns and behaviors.

Pressure to Conform

Many people feel increased pressure to conform to other people’s version of themselves during the holidays. Maybe it’s living up to mom and dad’s expectations, or maybe you’re expected to be the life of the party even though you’ve given up drinking.

This pressure to conform can have an alienating, shame-inducing effect. If you do feel the pressure to conform, make sure you’re able to carve out time to get away. Get a hotel. Stay with a trusted friend you feel comfortable being yourself around.

Seeking Support

It’s tremendously helpful to work with someone who you trust heading into the holidays. Whether it’s a close friend, family member, or trained therapist, find someone who can help you plan, process, and get ahead of the holiday season. Sharing your concerns might help put them in perspective, and give you a better understanding of your own wants, needs, and boundaries.

Reach out to me for help and how I can get you through the holidays with trauma therapy.