Going through a divorce is never easy. No one gets married, making the assumption that their union will end at some point. Furthermore, no matter how amicable your separation might be, divorce is still a loss. 

It’s okay to grieve that loss. It’s okay to feel hurt, angry, and even confused. If things didn’t end well, you might be dealing with a whole rollercoaster of emotions. 

Unfortunately, those emotions can cause you to lose confidence in relationships, or have a hard time trusting people. You might want to get back into the dating field eventually, but it’s not always easy to jump in feet first. 

Thankfully, you don’t have to. Let’s cover a few tips you can use to ease back into dating at a pace that works for you. 

It’s Okay to Go Slow

No matter how long ago your divorce was finalized, it’s up to you to determine the pace you’re comfortable with. 

You’ll undoubtedly have people in your life who want to support you. That support often includes encouragement to “get back out there” and start dating again. While those people have the best of intentions and can offer advice, it’s important to trust your gut. 

Don’t let anyone push you into dating until you’re ready. While that doesn’t mean you should isolate yourself and be closed off from the idea, you’ll likely set yourself up for failure if you start seeing someone before you’re emotionally and mentally prepared. 

Date for the Right Reasons

Some people want to date very shortly after a divorce because they think it will help them move on. Sometimes, that works. But, no one wants to be in a “rebound” relationship, and it’s probably not good for you, either. 

Think about why you want to start dating again, and make sure you’re jumping back in for the right reasons. It’s not fair to yourself or someone else to start a relationship just because you want to get over your previous one. Instead, ensure you’re ready to open up, communicate effectively, and find love again. 

Be Honest

When you do start dating, it’s important to be honest with yourself and with the person you’re interested in. 

That doesn’t mean you need to open up with your entire marriage and divorce story on the first date. But, you should be willing to talk about what happened and why it happened when the appropriate time comes up. 

Being honest upfront and expecting the same in return from a new partner will build a solid foundation for a new relationship. If that person isn’t ready to deal with or accept your current lifestyle because of what you endured during a divorce, then you’ll learn very early on that they aren’t the right one for you. 

Manage Your Expectations

Some people make the mistake of thinking they want (or need) a fairytale romance after a divorce. As a result, they put too much pressure on themselves or the people they start dating, and things don’t work out. 

You can’t expect perfection from yourself or someone else. It’s important to recognize your flaws and accept the flaws of anyone you start dating if you want things to work. 

On the other hand, make sure your expectations are realistic in terms of good things, too. You might have a negative bent toward relationships because of what happened to you. Don’t assume the worst in a person because of your past. 

Jumping back into the dating pool after a divorce doesn’t have to feel overwhelming or intimidating. Give yourself time, make sure you’re ready to open yourself up again, and you can find the relationship you want and deserve.

Reach out to learn more about relationship counseling and how it can help you in the future.